Excerpt:Â My alma mater's experiment in reverse evolution may end soon, as a court has ruled that the tree-sitters outside California's Memorial Stadium are trespassing and may be evicted. This shocking rationality on the part of Superior Court Judge Richard Keller doesn't mean the arboreal australopithecines will climb down. However, the University of California fenced off the oak trees in the interest of public safety long ago, and now it has added a second barrier. After cutting off their supplies, university cops should be able to lure the starving simians down with peanuts soon.
The wisdom of the university's precaution should be self-evident. After all, the sitters' natural bodily functions have continued throughout the months-long occupation, and at least one of the anthropoids has fallen, breaking an arm and a leg but fortunately not landing on a passerby.