Standing at the Gates of Hell

Unknown Posted on Thursday, January 22, 2009 11:30:12 AM by Dick Bachert

A stranger stood at the Gates of Hell, And the Devil himself answered the bell, He looked him over from head to toe And said, "My Friend, I’d like to know What you have done in the line of sin To entitle you to come within?" Then Franklin D, with his usual guile Stepped forth and flashed his toothy smile. "When I took charge in Thirty-three A Nation’s faith was mine,” said he. “I promised this and I promised that And I calmed them down with a fireside chat, I spent their money on fishing trips And fished from the decks of their battleships, I gave them jobs on the P.W.A. Then raised their taxes and took it away. I raised their wages and closed their shops, I killed their pigs and burned their crops, I double-crossed both old and young, And still the fools my praises sung. I brought back booze and what do you think, I taxed it so high that they couldn't drink! I furnished money with government loans, When they missed a payment, I took their homes. When I wanted to punish the folks, you know, I'd put my wife on the radio. I paid them to let their farms lie still And imported food-stuffs from Brazil. I curtailed crops when I felt mean, And shipped in corn from the Argentine. When they'd start to worry, stew and fret I'd get them to chant the alphabet. With the A.A.A. and the N.L.B. The W.R.A. and the C.C.C. With these many units I got their goats And still I crammed it down their throats. My workers worked with the speed of snails While the taxpayers chewed their fingernails. When the organizers needed dough I closed up plants for the C.I.O. I ruined jobs and I ruined health And I put the screws on the rich man's wealth. And some who couldn't stand the gaff, Would call on me, and how I’d laugh. When they got too strong on certain things I'd pack and head for old Warm Springs. I ruined their country, their homes, and then I placed the blame on Nine Old Men. Now Franklin talked both long and loud And the Devil stood and his head he bowed. At last he said, “Let's make it clear. You’ll have to move, you can't stay here! For once you mingle with this mob, I'll have to hunt myself a job."