President Obama has appointed former President Bill Clinton to the newly created post of â€œVirginity Czar of the United States of America.â€ In announcing the appointment, President Obama said: â€œThere are millions of women in this Country who are sick and tired of virginity, but have had no way out other than committed and often complicated relationships. Now, finally, thanks to the kind of â€œChangeâ€ I promised, these women can rest easy knowing that their Government will stand behind them, or astride them, or whatever.â€ â€œI chose former President Clinton for this strenuous job because of his often-demonstrated skills in this areaâ€, Obama said. â€œI was particularly impressed by the Blow by Blow accounts of his flight home with the two very grateful young women he helped free from North Korea. The beaming smile on the former Presidentâ€™s face as he stepped off the plane told the story for the whole world to see.â€
When asked for her opinion, Secretary of State Clinton commented: â€œWell, certainly no one can deny that the America women who join this Government program will be well served. Given his many years of experience at this type of â€œGovernment Serviceâ€, Iâ€™m sure Bill will â€œRaise the Barâ€, so to speak!â€
A spokesman for the Administration announced that, while the new department had a generous budget giving it the opportunity to set up a nationwide operation, former President Clinton has vowed to save the taxpayers many millions of dollars by meeting the servicing requests of American women personally! â€œI know it will be hardâ€, said Clinton, â€œbut you can rest assured that I will rise to the occasion. Virgins of America, rejoice: Bill Clinton is riding to your rescue!â€
However, Clinton did warn that a program of this magnitude would probably result in some rationing. Woman over 60, for example, would experience considerable delays while waiting for their servicing requests to be granted, while women in their 20â€™s or 30â€™s would receive priority â€œtreatmentâ€. Teen-agers, according to the former President, would receive immediate servicing!
In closing, President Obama made clear that this type of activity is nothing new for the Government, and that, in fact, it had been going on for generations. â€œWhen you stop to think about itâ€, Obama said, â€œThis is exactly what the Government has been doing to taxpayers for a very long time. The only real change is that what was done â€œFigurativelyâ€ in the past, will now be done â€œLiterallyâ€!
Now that is really â€œChange you can believe in!!!â€