Human Eventsby Jason Mattera
What to do when your nominee to the Supreme Court has no experience on the bench, filed an amicus brief that got blown out of the water, worked a skimpy two years in the private sector, treated members of the military as second-class citizens, and penned only a limited number of â€œscholarlyâ€ articles?
Naturally, you talk about all the free tampons she distributed while at Harvard. If only I were kidding. It turns out that Kaganâ€™s rÃ©sumÃ© is so threadbare that Team Obama is floating a myriad of pathetic talking points to pad its candidateâ€™s â€œqualifications.â€
See for yourself.
1. The baller. Not only are we told that sheâ€™s â€œambitious, restless, [and] intellectually acute,â€ but, as Politico noted, she â€œeven shares the presidentâ€™s love of a good, grinding pick-up basketball game.â€ Say what? She enjoys a â€œgrinding pick-up basketball gameâ€? Well now, that settles it then. Bust out the basketball trunks, throw on a jersey, and move yourself straight to the front of the line for a lifetime position on the most powerful court in the world! What could go wrong? As an aside, can you even imagine Kagan â€œgrindingâ€ on the court?
2. Sheâ€™s one of us. From the mouth of Barack, a Kagan confirmation would be â€œmore reflective of us as a people than ever before.â€ And if by â€œreflective,â€ the president means that most Americans go from Princeton to Oxford to Harvard to the University of Chicagoâ€¦ then back to Harvard, well yes, Kaganâ€™s mug should replace Lincolnâ€™s on the $5 bill because sheâ€™s so â€œreflectiveâ€ of America.
3. Feminine products. At Harvard, Kagan gained popularity by offering â€œfree coffee outside classrooms and free tampons in the womenâ€™s restrooms.â€ Surely, these were exactly the type of qualities Thomas Jefferson sought when picking a justice.
4. The tokens. Kagan herself tells us that she strove to â€œbring people together,â€ specifically by hiring conservative professors. Obama touts this as â€œopenness to a broad array of viewpoints.â€ Um, so letâ€™s get this one straight. As the dean of one of the nationâ€™s most prominent law schools, she took steps to introduce her students to different opinions and thus fulfill the mission of a university? The left is asking us to pat her on the back for doing her job? Okay, fine. Letâ€™s buy her a meat-lovers pizza and call it even. Besides, out of the 43 hires she authorized, only 3 were conservative. Big deal.
5. Born in the U.S.A. â€œElena is the granddaughter of immigrants,â€ Obama boasted of his pick, which is to say that Kaganâ€™s parentsâ€™ parents immigrated to this country. And that makes her special again how?
6. Triple Axel. Kagan, weâ€™re told, improved â€œstudent lifeâ€ at Harvard with a â€œrevamped student center, an upgraded gym and an ice-skating rinkâ€ that also â€œdoubled as a volleyball court.â€ Did I miss the memo, or is the Supreme Court now the new training grounds for the 2012 Olympics?
7. Justice Pavarotti. Pete Williams of NBC News recently affirmed Kagan as an â€œaccomplished poker player [and] opera lover,â€ which, as we know, are grounds for a swift confirmation, no?
8. Toilet preference. Obama describes Kagan as a "trailblazing leader" for being the first female solicitor general and the first female dean of Harvardâ€™s law school, as if we're supposed to judge her fidelity to the Constitution because she happens to use the ladies room.
9. Good news: Kagan ainâ€™t deaf. Television legal analyst Lis Wiehl gushed that the Supreme Court nominee ran Harvard Law with â€œgraceâ€ and is an â€œavid listener.â€
10. Kagan actually â€œwelcomed the military to campus.â€ So says White House shill Valerie Jarrett, even though Kagan authored a memo bragging that she â€œreinstatedâ€ the school's ban on the military in the Spring of 2005, but reluctantly lifted the ban in the Fall of that same year, after the Department of Defense threatened to â€œwithhold all possible funds if the Law School continued to bar the militaryâ€ from Harvard.
Now that we have those gems out of the way, enjoy the rest of your day thinking about Elena Kagan in her booty basketball shorts, "grinding" on the court ;).
What statements have you spotted that are also miserable attempts by this administration to beef up Kagan's already suspect "qualifications?" Let's see what you got. Share them below!