Genghis Khan, Eco-Warrior

Rightwing NewsVan Helsing

For centuries, Genghis Khan has been reviled throughout the world as one of the most evil tyrants who ever lived. But from the progressive point of view, he was just a little ahead of his time. Consequently, he's being rehabilitated:

Genghis Khan's Mongol invasion in the 13th and 14th centuries was so vast that it may have been the first instance in history of a single culture causing man-made climate change, according to new research out of the Carnegie Institution's Department of Global Ecology, reports

Unlike modern day climate change, however, the Mongol invasion actually cooled the planet, effectively scrubbing around 700 million tons of carbon from the atmosphere.

So how exactly did Genghis Khan, one of history's cruelest conquerors, earn such a glowing environmental report card? The reality may be a bit difficult for today's environmentalists to stomach, but Khan did it the same way he built his empire — with a high body count.

Over the course of the century and a half run of the Mongol Empire, about 22 percent of the world's total land area had been conquered and an estimated 40 million people were slaughtered by the horse-driven, bow-wielding hordes. Depopulation over such a large swathe of land meant that countless numbers of cultivated fields eventually returned to forests.

In other words, one effect of Genghis Khan's unrelenting invasion was widespread reforestation, and the re-growth of those forests meant that more carbon could be absorbed from the atmosphere.

Thus leading to better weather for penguins and polar bears, according to unproven moonbat theory. Even Mr. Magoo could see where this is going.

Anyone who thinks today's environmentalists would have any difficulty stomaching tens of millions of corpses piled up on behalf of wild animals is referred to University of Texas biologist Eric Pianka, who calls for an airborne strain of the Ebola virus to kill off 90% of us. Support in the academic community for Pianka and his genocidal views will raise the hair on the back of your neck.

Next up for rehabilitation: Adolf Hitler. Why not? He was an environmentalist, a socialist, and a reputed vegetarian, and he stopped millions of people from oppressing Gaia with their carbon emissions.