Why Terrible-Infant Liberals Need Big Brother

Liberals are terrible infants in adult-size bodies. Like all terrible infants, their badness---like their messy diapers--- is never their fault but someone else's fault. Why? Because they can't "help themselves," that's why! They are not impulse-controlled but out-of-control, thus they are helpless. Someone else (scapegoats) must bear the burden of their personal guilt for overly inflated pride assures them that nothing bad is ever their fault. Someone else must wipe their noses, dry their eyes, carry them over the mud-puddles of life, quiet their tantrums with lollipops, and instantly provide for their every whim. And if only we (adults) understood this, Liberals would not have to accuse us of stinginess, homophobia, racism, hate, and so on ad nauseum. Yes, if only we understood their helplessness we would realize that the primary function of government is to act as Big Brother, Giver of Lollipops, Diaper-Changer, and Nose-Wiper. Two cry-baby Liberals recently assured me of this.

Outraged Liberal #1 declared that AG Ken Cuccineli (VA) is a big fat liar for saying that Big Brothers' universal Health Care Bill is unconstitutional. With the death of God, the Constitutions' fixed principles and enduring truths died as well, thus in our pervasive climate of meaninglessness, terrible infants stand in place of God, which means that the Constitution means whatever nasty infants want it to mean. After all, on a daily basis and from moment to moment progressive infants invent their own "truths" dependent upon passing whim, need, and desire so the rest of us need to simply shut up and accept that this is how things are. Terrible Infants are gods and that is that! This being the case, Liberal #1 has a point, for if infants are the "truth-inventers" then Cuccineli is indeed a big fat liar because nasty infants say he is one. End of case!

Liberal #2 was in complete sympathy with #1, and argued that mandatory flood insurance, mandatory motorcycle helmets, and mandatory innoculations are the proper business of government because its' whole purpose is to "force us to protect ourselves." This being the case, universal health care is merely one more way in which Big Brother protects helpless infants.

Liberal infants need Big Brother for two primary reasons:

1. to enable them to scapegoat "evil" authority figures such as morally-principled, self-controlled Conservatives who all too often are heard to speak the evil "n" word: NO

2. to force them to protect themselves because of course they are helpless

They are helpless to think for themselves, to foresee the consequences of their words and actions, or take personal responsibility for their bad choices. All of these bad things cause them to suffer, and overly proud terrible-infants cannot bear to suffer even a little bit. Therefore they need scapegoats and they need Big Brother.